Feminism, Go Home! You’re Drunk. . .

I have never encountered a dress code that only set out standards for one sex. They are written for both sexes.

A proper, respectful  environment is an education in itself! The environment reflects and encourages certain ideals.

What you wear changes behavior. Both the way you behave and the way you are treated. It is not insignificant it is part of a good education.

What girls and boys can learn from dress codes:






These might be the best lesson they learn all year.

Fashion, Taking My Husband’s Opinions into Account, What I Learned

Taken from my personal experience: 

  1. Men like cute, its not a bad thing. Cute is a term of endearment and it doesn’t mean you can’t be beautiful or sexy it just means that the outfit brings out the tender, feminine side – its a good thing.
  2. Men know what looks good on you. They may not notice or care about the little details, but they know what looks good on you. I avoided oranges and browns, but my husband told me I look good in them. He was right. The first gift he gave me was a glove and scarf set. The scarf was wool with brown and orange tones, the gloves were orange leather with cashmere lining. I never, never, never, would have picked these out. But I loved them and got a tremendous amount of compliments on them.
  3. Men like the practical.  The key is to be attractive and practical. Wear attractive shoes but realize there is no need for a stilettos, especially if you can’t walk in them. Make sure your outfit fulfills your needs. Sometimes a stark contrast between the sweetly feminine and the ruggedly practical is appealing. i.e. gardening in a cute sundress with extremely sensible paddock boots.
  4. Men like Undergarments.Undergarments matter. Men like slips, a touch of lace . . .   put thought into your undergarments. Even if no one is going to see them, you want a good foundation.
  5. Men don’t necessarily like tight or short: Men like to see a feminine figure, but it need not be tight or short. Err on the conservative side.
  6. Men don’t seem to care about Jewelry too much: Men seem to view outfits as a whole whereas women get caught up in accessorizing. If your hair is up in a nice bun, delicate earrings are a nice touch, they frame the face and draw the eyes to the neck, but no need to be preoccupied with jewelry. My husband likes my wedding ring and a few special pieces he gave me, it seems to be more of a sentimental touch than anything else.
  7. Men prefer skirts and dresses: A women’s figure is flattered by skirts and dresses, men know this, they like it. Pants rarely do anything for a women’s figure and I’ve  given them up. (except for riding. I love riding and sidesaddle is not my expertise the very masculine art of dressage is, ironically enough.)

Also on topic: How Girls Should Dress to Attract the Right Kind of Man 

Lexie on what to wear to your wedding: Pt 1

My wedding dress looked a bit like 3.not as form fitting and without the flare. I would caution brides to be a little more conservative. While I was completely comfortable in it that day, I’ve grown in modesty and regret the dress. I agree if you can cover up your upper arms do,do not wear boring strapless, find a flattering, suitable cut and avoid “cover ups.” Great advice. I wish I read this 7 years ago. Hind sight is 20-20.

Julian O'Dea

Lexie has featured at this blog before:

“Two questions for Lexie.”

“How women view weakness?”

“Lexie writes to men again.”

Here are some recent comments from Lexie on what women should wear to their wedding:

“For those who need actual guidelines – and, let’s be realistic, many women have been brought up without any sense of propriety – here are some basic pointers: cover the knees and cleavage – it’s okay to show you have cleavage but not to show the cleavage itself. 1 is acceptable, 2 is not, and 3 is debatable/depends on culture.”




dress3“I think the biggest mistake that women make when attempting to be modest is to take the boring white strapless evening gown and merely put some lace or a bolero over the top to cover the shoulders and/or cleavage. Modesty isn’t just about complying with some rules about covering various parts of the body. A…

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Modest Dress

A Jewish woman reflects upon modest dress and the changes it has brought to her life How Dressing Modestly Gave me More Confidence About My body the article is an interesting read but what struck me most was why she began dressing modestly. She was simply following a code of conduct.

I had never thought of myself as a naturally modest person. I was the “bikini/short-shorts” gal who, in the summer before college, started covering up, not because she cared about modesty or because she thought dressing immodestly was wrong or detrimental, but rather because she was adopting an observant Jewish life and modest dress was part of halacha. Just as the Jewish nation accepted the Torah saying “naaseh v’nishmah” (first we’ll do and then we’ll understand) I took on modesty in a similar way.

Her modesty and understanding of  modesty grew from there:

But then something happened – I remember so clearly the first day I wore a long skirt to the mall at seventeen years old. A guy passed me by and gave me the old “up down,” but my “up” and my “down” were covered up, and I actually let out a quiet “yes!” when I realized that I was able to retain ownership of my body that he couldn’t gain access to. Which makes me understand that I have always been a modest person who was conditioned by societal values to behave in a way that conflicted with my innate values and left me feeling violated on a regular basis.

The letter of the law helped her understand the spirit of the law. Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be a widely accepted standard of modesty within the Church anymore. or at least a standard of modesty is rarely taught or enforced.

Once at a Parish I was visiting,  I saw they had a dress code (the same dress code of St. Peters I believe)  It asked the men not to wear shorts or tank tops, it asked women not to wear shorts, tank tops,  no bare shoulders were allowed, skirts/ dresses had to touch below the knee. Chapel veils were not part of the dress code but they were available in the back.

Now maybe some people were offended upon reading the standards. But the notice didn’t state it was immoral for men to wear shorts or for women to wear tank tops it just requested the parishioners to follow these basic standards when attending Mass. It was a code of conduct to follow and guess what? The Parishioners followed it;  The entire church (which was packed) was dressed to those standards. Well beyond these simple standards in fact.

Upon Wearing Skirts & Dresses For 2 yrs

fashion blog for professional women new york city street style work wear

When I made the decision to wear only skirts and dresses, something happened that I really didn’t expect, I matured. I became more aware of the way I carried myself, of the way I sat, and even spoke. I became more restrained, intentional. I became more comfortable in my femininity and in turn less childish.

I have been wearing only skirts and dresses for two years now and I have just begun realizing its impact. A skirt reminds me that I am not here to compete with men – that I don’t need to compete with men to prove my worth. It is a gentle reminder of who I am- a wife, a mother, a woman.

At first it was difficult. Skirts and dresses had always been the exception for me. I grew up in the country spending my days riding horses (astride *gasp*) and building forts in the woods with my brothers. But I began to take more thought into what I wore when my second daughter was born.

At first, I was afraid people would ask me why I didn’t wear pants. But that hasn’t happened yet. I have only received compliments on my outfits. The only question I have ever received in two years concerning my dress is, “where did you find such a beautiful skirt?”

Do I miss pants? Surprisingly, no, not really. In fact, I recently tried on a pair of jeans and was shocked to find them intolerably uncomfortable. We lost something when women gave up their long flowing dresses for jeans. We lost a certain elegance, modesty and femininity; I wanted to regain it, if only for myself.

50 Simple Steps to Wearing a Chapel Veil

you could  wear an attractive hat instead of a veil. However, I found church hats to be scarce and more expensive.

Copied from this site : “50 Simple Stept to Wearing A Chapel Veil or Mantilla”

You might think that the only step to wearing a mantilla to Mass is, you know, wearing it. (And getting one if you don’t have one.)

Bah! Codswallop! Humbug!

Such ignorance! But don’t worry, that’s why I’m here.

I’ve broken down this incredibly complex process into 50 simple steps. I can’t promise you success, but if you follow my 50 steps, you will succeed!

  1. Think about wearing a veil or mantilla.
  2. A lot.
  3. Don’t let anyone because that would be weird.
  4. Find you can’t get it out of your mind.
  5. Pray about it.
  6. Mention it your family or friends, all hypothetically of course!
  7. Bring it up again.
  8. Be surprised that they aren’t fazed by it — some are even enthusiastic! (Weirdos…)
  9. Decide it can’t hurt to check out some veils from The Catholic Company, Veils by Lily,Liturgical Time Veil Shop, Designs by BirgitSilver Tree Treasures, or Peter’s Bride or evenAmazon which has some lovely Spanish style mantillas!
  10. Find that the desire to veil isn’t leaving, and doesn’t seem likely to do so anytime soon.
  11. Pray about it more.
  12. Go back to those stores.
  13. Pull out your best friend, the credit card.
  14. Pick a veil length: long, medium or short.
  15. Pick a veil colour: white, black, ivory, purple, gold, or hot pink polka dots on lime green.
  16. Agonise over whether to choose French lace or Spanish lace (this is easily the hardest part.)
  17. Order it.
  18. Immediately regret your decision and think you’re an idiot.
  19. Wait.
  20. Fret.
  21. Get the package in the mail!
  22. Squeal!
  23. Try the veil on in the mirror!
  24. Squeal more!!
  25. Upload a pic to Facebook…
  26. Wait excitedly for the next time you go to Mass.
  27. Find you can’t wait.
  28. Go to Adoration with your veil.
  29. Pray about it.
  30. Feel a bit bad that you might have gone to Adoration just to wear your veil.
  31. Remind yourself that Jesus was glad to see you anyway.
  32. Take your veil to Mass on Sunday.
  33. Take deep, steadying breaths as you put it on your head.
  34. Secure with pins or clips.
  35. Or hazard it not falling off. (Some do, some don’t.)
  36. Walk nervously into church.
  37. Genuflect, and kneel to pray.
  38. Feel very self-conscious.
  39. Tug on your mantilla to make sure it’s secure but pretend to do it surreptitious. (WHAT IF SOMEONE SEES???)
  40. Look around to see if people are totally judging you.
  41. Be surprised that they’re not.
  42. Get a bit disappointed that it’s not even making a stir.
  43. I mean, you’re the only one! Doesn’t that deserve at least some whispered censures?
  44. Almost by accident, glance up at Our Lord on the Crucifix.
  45. Try to suppress your smile.
  46. Remember that’s why you’re doing this: for Him.
  47. Thank God for the joy of wearing your veil.
  48. Pray that it will only help you to love Him better.
  49. Smile.
  50. And realise He’s already answering your prayers.

Fool-proof, right? 😉

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Return To Modesty.


“Modesty acknowledged [a woman’s] special vulnerability, and protected it. It made women equal to men as women. Encouraged to act immodestly, a woman exposes her vulnerability and she then becomes, in fact, the weaker sex. A woman can argue that she is exactly the same as a man, she may deny having any special vulnerability, and act accordingly, but I cannot help noticing that she usually ends up exhibiting her feminine nature anyway, only this time in victimhood, not in strength.” Wendy Shalit.

A good read.