Please keep my sweet two year old daughter in your prayers. I found a terrible bulls-eye rash on her arm and she was diagnosed with Lyme disease today. The Dr. put her on antibiotics. (She is too young for Bee venom therapy).  Please pray for her healing.

Marriage Prep and NFP

In one of his Lectures Fr. Ripperger, suggests that NFP talks, given in mixed company are inappropriate. This observation resonated with me. I found it incredibly awkward, as an engaged woman, striving to live a chaste life, to be thrown into a room (of mixed sexes!) and given an explicit “how-to-use- NFP” talk by a married couple. I was mortified. I cried afterwards. It left me demoralized.

The NFP talk given at out marriage prep was at best confusing, at worst heretical. It was presented as a catholic contraception. If you don’t want to have children, use this, not contraceptives! How sad. The focus should have been on the great blessing of children not NFP strengthens marriages and is as effective as contraceptives!

One older engaged couple, said they were not open to having any children because  the dangers of pregnancy, at their age, were too great. This seemed to be accepted as  reason enough, and  to enter marriage, with not intention of ever having any children, was not even blinked at. It was troubling to hear such stories.

I thought marriage was for children, I thought NFP was for grave reasons, I thought that if you weren’t ready for children, you shouldn’t be getting married! The push for NFP seemed completely contrary to all of this.

When it comes to marriage prep, the focus should be marriage is for childrennot how to avoid having children. Of course, the evils of contraception needs to be addressed! Couples should be properly catechized in these matters. But these NFP crash courses are not properly catechizing people! They are  at once biologically explicit and Dogmatically  vague.

I believe NFP courses should be available, Catholicism is not a type Gnosticism, NFP isn’t a secret knowledge. However, it is just a small piece in properly catechizing couples. Such public and mixed presentations are inappropriate. Such sexually explicit discussions are better done in men only or women only groups or privately between the instructor and a married couple or even a single woman who needs it for health reasons.

I am not against NFP in itself. In fact, we find ourselves in a grave situation now. Sadly, my treatment for Lyme Disease, is incompatible with pregnancy.   (I tried treatments that were compatible with pregnancy but they did not work.) Without this treatment (BVT), I was completely bed-bound some days! Without it, my symptoms were numerous and far-reaching: from severe depression, intrusive thoughts to constant heart palpations. I was unable to fulfill my basic duties as a wife and mother.

With treatment, the disease is manageable. the protocol lasts two years. Our circumstances are not ideal.  Although we find practicing NFP necessary at this time, it grieves us. And it should, it’s not normal.

Fit Friday?

Since being diagnosed with Lyme I can’t say that I have worked on fitness much. I am feeling better with BVT and have joined my husband in his daily Hiit workouts a few times, but taking it easy, not pushing it like I used to. Annnd, surprise, surprise,  the recovery time is no longer a day or two, its a week or two.

I’ve done research on Lyme and exercise and there’s very little out there. Mainly, “Listen to your body” Which, Frankly, I am getting sick of hearing. If I listened to my body, I wouldn’t have a life! I feel that light yoga is probably my best bet for fitness right now. But I have reservations about yoga; being a Catholic I just find it unsettling. Although in the past I have enjoyed it. Lyme causes your muscles to deteriorate and I have lost a lot of muscle and weight- clearly not a good kind of weight loss.

I work very heard on my health. I follow the BVT protocol carefully, Detoxing is part of my routine, I do not eat any refined sugar, only soaked or sprouted grains, quality meats, lots of greens, raw grassfed dairy. Lyme is hard to beat. It is a daily battle and I’m still trying to figure out what the best fitness plan is.

More Fit Fridays

Lyme, Drs, BVT

The more Drs I meet and talk to about Lyme, the more I realize, I know more than them. Sounds cocky, I know but its true. I know everything they are going to say before they say it, I know their answers to my concerns and I know ,more likely than not,  I’m going to disagree with them. It makes me want to go to Med school and treat Lyme patients, because I’m more informed than them at this point.

I have yet to meet a LLD who will recommend BVT most of them haven’t even heard of BVT. Frankly, that’s pathetic because it works, there is research proving that bee venom kills spirochetes! It doesn’t morph them it Kills them. Essentially it is a cure. Although I cannot claim that it is because its not  FDA approved. I can say , however, that after 2-3 yrs of treatment I can expect a full recovery.

  It may not be for everyone and other treatments should be available, but BVT should be one of the available treatments and its not. Its not even on their radar.  I have researched extensively, read countless articles, medical journals, peer reviewed reports, books, talked to apitherapists, Lyme patients, Beekeepers, LLD and   I elect to treat myself with BVT. Because its the most effective treatment out there and Drs seem to be too preoccupied with antibiotics,  herbals , diets, the CDC and insurance companies  to see it. 

How the Honeybee Gave Me Back My Life


Go to the honeybee, and learn how she is a worker And how solemnly she does her work, Whose labors kings and common people use for health; And she is desirable to all and glorious; and although she is weak in bodily strength, She leads the way in honoring wisdom.Proverbs 6:10-12

Lyme bacteria feeds on sugar and fat, which translates to joints and brain. When I got sick with Lyme, my brain went first. The Neuro symptoms were debilitating. Trying to speak was an effort, word finding was excruciating, I couldn’t think straight, I was afraid to drive, I couldn’t meditate on the rosary which is my comfort in sorrow, I couldn’t write. Lyme had taken over my brain. A pain much more complicated than the aches of muscles and joints.

Not only was my ability to write gone, the comfort of mediation and thought were gone! I think many writers fear that. To lose that voice that somehow knows the words needed to express the idea that popped into your head while showering,the one that whispers, the perfect rhyme in your ear, unforced and metered. I lost it. I had no ideas, no words, no desire, no meter, rhyme, rhythm, It didn’t matter whether I showed up to write, with pen or paper, or sat down at the computer. It didn’t matter. it was gone. Even the sweet, healing salve of the Hail Mary was gone.

In the past I feared I would lose writing content. That I would dry up, but it never really happened not until getting sick. The pain of Lyme is awful, the aching joints and fatigue are awful, but losing my mind, the edge I was proud of, the wit, losing thought, clear thoughts that was the worst. That was  hell.

I prayed for healing. As much as I could. The antibiotics helped some symptoms but it didn’t touch any neuro problems. And I fell upon Bee Venom Therapy God dropped it on my lap. And as soon as I stung myself a fog lifted. Thank God for the honeybee! I could think again and write again. Thank God! I look at how much I have written since starting BVT. I look at all the poetry I have finished and all the drafts of poems waiting revision (I love revisions!) and I have memorized more prayers, and I have taught my children the rosary. The sweet sting of the honeybee gave me back my muse. Gave me back my prayer life, reason, clear thoughts! 

In Sickness and In Health


In Sickness and in Health 

I never thought while saying those vows, that I was the one who was going to be sick. I always envisioned a sick husband to take care of. One who suffered from dementia  or facing disability. I cringe at the Sentimentality of my thoughts then- Never did I imagine it would be me.

Dr. – called. You have Lyme.

Weird he knew first. The Dr. told him first and he told me. He rang and rang to reach me. I sometimes wonder how it hit him. Did he think back to our wedding day too? Sacred vows given freely, with a firm, hushed and quickened tone in the little chapel. The chapel of my youth.

– I do? She called? 

yes. Call her back. 




it’ll be okay. I Love you. 

-Click –

She was never the same again. I sat on the sofa those words kept coming back to me. Is the woman I was just a few months ago- is that woman gone? will my husband look back and think to himself. She was never the same again? How much easier it would be for me to say those words about him! but I can’t, it’s me. Oh, how proud I was, even in those vows. How proud!

The blessed ring in my hand, I repeat the vows. Trying to comprehend the meaning of the symbols, the ceremony. In sickness and in health. I try to slip the ring on his finger, but it gets stuck half way. Nervous, I look up. Amused, he smiles. Finally it moves. To Death Do us part. 

I didn’t make dinner. I felt too tired. I’m sorry. 

It’s okay. Lay down. 

There’s left overs I think. The girls already ate. 

Lay down. Don’t worry about it. Are you hungry? 


My rings clank. Loose now. The ruby keeps slipping to the inside of my palm; the rings once proportioned, look large. I straighten them and lay down on the sofa.  Dear God!  The fatigue is unbearable. The vows spoken years ago weigh on my soul, but not as a burden, as I lay there I feel anchored. I am his. I was his in health and I am still his even now, especially now- In sickness. . .