Age Gap

My husband’s grandfather advised him to, “Marry a women at least seven years your junior; it’s easier to establish yourself as head.” Well, my husband didn’t follow through on that advice, he is only about four years my senior. But my husband said it was a good piece of advise, a vivid memory.

I can attest the age gap is a comfort to me. It is comforting to know he is older, more experienced, mature. And although the gap seems smaller as we age, it was significant during our first few years together. I married three weeks after my college graduation, he had been a college grad for several years by then. Just that difference gave me sense of security and it gave him a sense of confidence in his role.

Today, my vanity finds comfort in the fact that he is in his thirties and I have not reached that landmark – yet. And if he were seven years my senior, I would probably be just that much more  vain.

13 comments

  1. There is a lot of truth in the age difference seeming very small. Jon is eight years my senior and even at 22 it seems like less than it did at 17. After a few years working together you end up aligning quite well in terms of maturity, immature moments and goals, regardless of age. I wonder whether many people have been scarred by assortment by age at school and have stopped seeing people more than a year above or beneath them as belonging to the same culture. That may explain the fear of dating someone several years older or younger.

    1. Interesting point about school. We were both homeschooled growing up so we were used to mixed ages, but all his old college friends teased him for “robbing the cradle” and they all married women their age.

    2. I suspect you are onto something there about schooling. It certainly adjusts one to interact only with people roughly your age. I never really had that myself, and I wonder if it is because I related to relatively few of the people my own age (when I was younger).

      1. A lot of my classes when I was little were at a small town school. The kids aged 3 to 8 were in one class, aged 8 to 16 were in another. I was 7 but a year ahead. Because all of us were on different learning levels we got plenty of conversation time with the teachers as well. Besides, because the village was so tiny everyone knew everyone and parents let kids roam as they pleased, so I could just as easily go building cabins out of building surplus as go and have a cup of coffee with one of the elderly women at the other side of the village unsupervised. I think that sort of environment may be more natural for humans, and breaks the usual age barrier created by modern schooling.

  2. LOL! This post made me laugh. Vain yes, I will always be younger than hubby. It’s all good though, he gets more and more handsome with each passing year and I’ve always loved older men.

  3. I am 2 years older than my husband, and he has never (and I mean absolutely, positively NEVER) had any problem establishing himself as the head. I suspect that this is because we were both raised by men who had no such problems establishing the same in their own marriages.

    That said, when I turned 40 and he was 38, vanity took a hit. I cannot tell a lie, LOL.

    1. Elspeth, I agree an age gap is not a necessity. My Mother-in-law is older than my father-in-law and they have a wonderful marriage. I look up to them in many ways.

  4. We were also very young when we married, at least by today’s standards. Had we been older it might have proved problematic. I also lived a much more sheltered life than he had.

    By the time a woman is 25 or even a college grad, an older man is certainly her best bet.

    1. In my experience the college age men were not interested in marriage. They seemed focused on establishing themselves. The older men were more interested in marriage. There were a few couples that met in college and dated but even then the couples didn’t get married until years after graduation. It was my classmate & friend (now sister in law) who set me up with her older brother. If she hadn’t had done that, who knows where I’d be now, on Catholic Match most likely.

      1. I think you’re right. My husband was 20 when we married, but he also wasn’t in college. He went a different educational route, one which enabled him to start his career earlier. The “college as a necessary step on the way to adulthood” mentality is a big hurdle to men being prepared to marry any time before age 30.

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